Monday, 30 November 2009


Just lately God is showing me that though I have improved, I still suffer from a severe lack of patience. He has reminded me of the vision I had when I was a young Christian, which I will share. However first I need to remind myself and any who read, this just how important patience is to our spiritual lives and walk with God.

The word Patience biblicaly means=Endurance, Consistency, Forbearance, Long Suffering.
Patience is that calm and unruffled temper with which the good man bears the evils of life from what ever source they come.
It manifests itself in a sweet submission to the providential appointments of God, and fortitude in the presence of the duties and conflicts of life.
God of patience means that God is the author of patience in His servants Rom 15:5.

Patience is one of Gods many attributes and as such it should be something I strive for also, and believe me I do. I am His servant and made in His image, so I should reflect Him in my life. But as I said earlier, patience in its fullness has been sadly lacking in my life. Even as a child I was always way ahead of myself. If it didn't happen yesterday I wanted to know why, and there would be tantrums and tears. But when I became an adult that lack of Patience and impetuosity threw me into periods of frustrated anger and depression.
Okay, I am far more patient than I used to be, nevertheless it is an ongoing battle and one I sadly lose more often than I win.
Patience is of paramount importance to God, and we need to desire it, as we desire Him. He knows that without it we will rush into things, that are not His will or desire for our lives, and so find ourselves in all sorts of trouble. Whereas if we had waited patiently, and trusted Him, we would find ourselves in the place of rest, which is His plan and purpose for our lives.
I dread to think how often in my Christian life I have preempted God and because of that damaged and hindered my walk with Him. Our lives are short on this earth, and if we are going to fulfill the plan and purpose He has for us, then we need to be patient, trust Him and allow Him to lead us, knowing that His way is perfect and He will give us clear direction.
If we wait patiently before Him and allow Him the opportunity to speak into our lives, we will find the fulfillment we all seek.
I am so grateful that in my life, He has been a God of patience and mercy.

In Nov 1981 I became a christian and it was the most wonderful day of my life.
All questioning and searching was over and I was madly in love. For the first time in my life that word love had real meaning. Everything was perfect, and all I wanted to do, was go to be with the one who had changed my sorry and sad existence, so amazingly. I would cry and pester God constantly, my impatience knew no bounds. I had an expression I used, and believe me I meant it. "My bags are packed and I want to go home," how selfish and in a way arrogant.
But you have to understand, my life before meeting Jesus had been an unhappy mess. So when I realised He was alive, all I wanted to do, I guess like every other Christian before me, was to opt out of this world and go to be with the one I loved. And being young in my faith and naive, I could not understand why He ignored my request.
But I am not one who gives up easily, and even though I have had to remain here to grow spiritually and do the work God has planned for me. I believe that my constant pestering allowed me a vision that I have never forgotten. It was a spiritual and not a physical vision, but it was powerful, and enabled me to understand what God is trying to do in my life, and why going to heaven was not an option at that time.
As with all Gods children I will go when my work on this earth is finished, and only God knows when that will be.

This is the vision as I remember it. I had been a christian just a few months and was attending the morning service at church. During the meeting I was overcome by the presence of God and helped to the front of the church where I knelt alone at the alter rail.
God was heavy upon me and I leaned my arms on the rail, my eyes tightly closed. I had no idea what was going on I just knew I should wait. In front of me slightly to the left was a raised pulpit of dark wood, as I knelt there a glorious form appeared to come out of it. At first what I saw spiritually was a bright light out of which came the shape of a man, it was Jesus.
He stood in front of the pulpit, He was amazingly tall, He held His arms out slightly to the side, his palms towards me.
He was enveloped in a golden light and yet I saw Him quite clearly. He was dressed in a white gown with a pale blue gown over it, the garments shimmered. He was glorious the light coming from Him was so bright that in His presence it became harder and harder to breath. I reached for Him quite sure I was going to die and go with Him.
He was looking at me with such love, and at the time I was convinced that I saw His face, but I didn't, only spirit to spirit.
His love radiated over me like waves, each wave stronger than the last, it was the most wonderful and intense feeling, but so powerful my body was struggling to cope. And I became convinced He had come to fetch me.
Nothing else existed it was as though I was in another world, the silence was almost tangible and yet the church was still going on around me.
As I knelt there in His wonderful presence He spoke, just one word, but that word was soaked in His love. Rather like coating a nasty tasting pill with honey, so that the child will take it, and that word was, "PATIENCE"
Once the word had left His mouth He disappeared, much to my distress. But the joy and privilege of being in His presence has never left me. Even though in a way I suppose He was rebuking me, while trying to help me understand just how important Patience is.
I am still trying to get to grips with it, some times succeeding, some times not.
But one thing I do know I serve an Awesome, Merciful and Gracious God, and He has promised, He will never leave me, or forsake me. And I love Him.
I will finish with one of my favorite scriptures. Isiah 40:31, 'They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not grow weary they shall walk and not faint.'
Teach me Lord I pray to be patient and wait. That I may find your good and perfect will for my life, and that you would be glorified.

Friday, 27 November 2009

I Did It. 50,000 words in a month.

Taking part in Nanowrimo has been the most amazing experience. The sense of freedom was liberating, not having to worry about spelling and grammar, but just letting the story flow was an incredible experience. I enjoyed it so much I think I may choose to continue to write this way.
Having achieved the 50,000 words I shall continue with the novel and when it is finished, tidy it up and edit, edit, edit.
To be a winner is wonderful, a real confidence boost. That's not to say I found it easy, there was an element of pressure that I found tiring, but at the same time it drove me on. I was surprised at how much I wanted to win.
I am well aware that having a definite story line was a huge advantage, at least I had some idea where I was headed. I know without it I would have struggled, and dare I say I might even have given up, but I didn't and I am so glad.
Now I can look forward to the day my Nano novel 'The Crystal Rose' is completed and published.